Fallen From Grace
by Skitty
Summary: After BtVS ends (my way) Buffy goes out to L.A. to track evil Willow and hide from her life.
1. Despair

Fallen From Grace Despair Skitty  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.  
  
Distribution: Tell me.  
  
Rating : not sure yet  
  
Summary/Authors Notes: Umm... I don't know about Spoilers, to be safe, I'll say all through "Cavalry" and "First Date," but it actually takes place much later, sometime after Buffy ends.  
  
Story:  
  
Chapter One  
  
Buffy moved through the streets of L.A., blinking at the destruction that had once been her hometown. People in the streets bled helplessly, screamed violently, or simply sobbed, unable to help, or hinder the remaining innocents. There were so few remaining innocents. And she'd thought Sunnydale was bad.  
  
She'd never defeated the First. When they'd killed Anya, she'd vowed that she would destroy them as painfully as she could to Xander. Then Spike had been desouled by the First after already being dechipped (by her). Giles had given her a few pointed looks, but never said anything in his Giles like way, that is before Spike had sucked him dry. Buffy had let Robin stake Spike then.  
  
Robin. They'd gotten very close very quickly. She'd felt more for him than she'd ever felt for anyone but Angel. She still did. It was why she'd left. He was sweet, and loving, and attentive, and an amazingly strong lover. His kisses were tender, and gentle, not shy as Riley's had been, not clumsy as Parker's had been, not demeaning as Spikes had been, though not quite as skilled as Angel's had been. He had accepted over time her history with Spike, and with Angel, though staking Spike had certainly helped.  
  
He was perfect for her. Which was why he couldn't see her now. Now when he and Dawn were all that was left. When Willow was once again the big bad, only bigger and badder, and backed by the biggest baddest bad in history, and Xander was in an institution, after having lost too much in too rapid a succession. He wasn't insane, he just had no reason to live. Buffy did, sort of.  
  
She had to live to destroy what was left of her Willow. As Giles had told her, there was no longer an out. There was no way to save her friend. Willow was no longer able to control her actions, and she never would be again. After she'd tortured Xander, and killed Kennedy, Buffy wasn't sure the friend she'd known would want to. But Willow was the First's last ditch effort.  
  
The Bringers were gone. All of them. The Scoobies had smashed the thing in the basement that made the Tarquins. The First had no one to rely on but Willow, and apparently Cordelia, if what Willow had said was true.  
  
No "I love yous" would bring either back this time, only death. Death Buffy herself had to bring to her last 2 remaining friends, if she could ever really have considered Cordelia a friend. Death Buffy had abandoned the man she loved, her sister, and the man who would never be anything less than a father to her, forever, to give.  
  
For she could not go back. Should she live or die, she could not go back, any more than she could stay in L.A. She would send Faith out, or Angel, should she see one of them, but she would seek neither out. She would slay, and leave. Maybe to New York, or Chicago, or maybe she'd leave the states all together.  
  
She was a Slayer. She was no longer in a position to deny that that meant those she loved would die. There was, however, a simple solution. She would no longer allow her love to be shown. Even to Dawn, Giles, Robin or Angel, she would be nothing but indifferent, no matter what her heart said. And in time, if she had time, her heart would no longer argue.  
  
What better place to begin than where her former best friend had gone to destroy the world, where her one time lover and still soul mate lived, where his new girlfriend would help her friend in the earth's destruction?  
  
But nothing mattered anymore. Buffy was a fighter. The woman who knew love so intimately was gone forever. Fate had finally shown itself.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Angel felt her, in the city, through all the destruction, the heartache and misery, and everything, he felt Buffy. Wesley had said the help restoring his soul had come from an anonymous source, but he'd sworn it was not her. Angel had assumed it was Willow.  
  
All he wanted was to find Cordelia and spend the next few hours with his freshly bound soul, forgetting the last few weeks. The beast was destroyed. The sun would return at sunrise tomorrow. Faith, leased from jail on a pardon from the mayor, had promised to be out there restoring order. All that remained was finding Cordelia and locking the bedroom door.  
  
Until he'd felt her. And that threw him. She was the ex. He was over her. But still, he was under her spell. She was the bane of his existence sometimes, when he needed or wanted her least she was there. Or maybe she was only there when he needed and wanted her most, and he never realized it.  
  
After all, hadn't that Thanksgiving given him the belief that she still loved him, after everything? Hadn't he accepted then that she always would? In that final instant when she turned away, hadn't he decided his choice was for the best? That his love for her was worthy of her love for him, because he would give everything up for her?  
  
And had he really wanted humanity anyway?  
  
The debacle with Faith had also taught him. He'd seen in those minutes when they were fighting most, that she was struggling too. Maybe she had moved on. Maybe she had loved Riley, even. But she hadn't ever fully forgotten him, or even forgiven him for leaving. And having her angry at him felt good, even if it had put Faith in the middle.  
  
Her mom's funeral had helped him. He had needed to see someone who wasn't angry with him, someone who would still look at him with love no matter what he'd done. Yes, he'd gone on the pretenses of helping her in her time of need, but in reality, Dawn had done that after he left, according to Giles, whom he'd checked with from time to time. Buffy had saved him. Again.  
  
And when she'd returned from death, he'd been healed. Enabled to love again, because she had told him she wanted him too. She had lain silent in his arms for hours, pouring love into him. Then she'd asked him to love another, to give his heart because hers would soon stop again. Forever.  
  
She'd shown a maturity he'd never expected. And he'd seen that she truly wanted him to be happy. "After all, if I taught you to love, and you love someone else who can be around longer, then I'll be around longer, through you and through her. Through your love."  
  
He had no clue why she was here now, what secret higher purpose her being there had for him, or if she'd even see him while she was there. But her aura felt different to him, more in despair than he'd ever felt her. Maybe it was his turn. Maybe he was supposed to save her.  
  
Or maybe he was supposed to let her go.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	2. Hope

Fallen From Grace 'Hope' Skitty  
  
Buffy wasn't sure why she'd expected Anne to survive the massacre, but she had. And she'd gone to her to ask for a place to stay while she was there. She'd found her one time friend's body. Her father was also a corpse, having been in a meeting with a Wolfram and Hart attourney he was up against in court, hoping to convince the deffendant to plead guilty. It hadn't worked, mainly because he'd been savagely murdured by a beast who'd been savagely murdered by Angelus.  
  
She'd learned all this from Faith and Connor, a young man who claimed Angel was his father. Faith had winced when he said this, and shot her a symapthetic look. Buffy hadn't reacted. Even she was surprised by that.  
  
After briefing Faith and Connor on what was happening with Willow, why she was in L.A., Buffy left to find her friend. Faith and Connor, who lived together in a dingy apartment where they'd offered to let Buffy stay (she'd opted to stay in a nearby motel instead) had stayed behind.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey B!" Faith called running out of the apartment. Buffy turned slightly, and Faith swore she saw a trace of the girl she'd known hidden in the uber Slayer she'd become. Faith, in her permanent jealous rage, had never seen the way her shoulders sometimes hunced, with the weight of too many losses pushing down her heart. It seemed now that those losses had pushed her heart through the floor, making her unable to feel anything at all. "I, um, sorry about back there. Connor sometimes speaks before I can tell him not too."  
  
"Why should it bother me?" Buffy asked, her eyes literally having changed from the green Faith remembered a little too well for her liking, to a hardened gray.  
  
"Uh, because you love Angel?" Faith suggested. Buffy shook her head.  
  
"Maybe I used to," she said. "But that's over."  
  
"Why?" Faith looked into her old friend's eyes. "Way I remember it, you two made Romeo and Juliet look like.... your parents. Even Kermit and Miss Piggy didn't come close to what you two had."  
  
"Had being the key word. Do we really have to get into this?" Buffy looked away. "I've got a witch to burn at the stake so I can get the Hell outta here."  
  
"That witch you're referring to is your BEST FRIEND," Faith called after Buffy. She paused for a minute, shoulders slightly hunched.  
  
"Was," she called back, and the disappeared down the block  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Willow looked around the plush apartment she'd 'inherited' from the nice young lawyer she'd killed. It was nice, though she was sure the First could have gottten her a nicer place if they really valued her. "Don't complain," Willow turned to see Cordelia behind her. She stepped into the apartment. "I still have to pretend to love Angel and care for the stupid group that just killed my favorite beaux!"  
  
"Yeah, well, who's fault is that? You chose who's body you'd steal," Willow snapped, running a hand through her now-dark hair. "God, I love this color. Stupid Willow was never daring enough to dye it. You, on the other hand, might want to fear dying your hair ever again."  
  
"We have more important things to worry about Willow!" Cordelia shouted. "The First relies on us now. Angelus and Spike were supposed to have been enough. Yet you could not even kill the Slayer's latest boy toy! She will never break at this rate!"  
  
"She already has," Willow looked condescendingly at Cordelia. "She trusts no one. She will become the darkest force out there. Kennedy, fool that she was, thought I had more power than the Slayer. Faith believed she could take Buffy out. They are all stupid, mindless drones. Buffy is not Slayer alone. She does not know where her true power lies, where the magics could take her. She will learn. And she will make us look like the puppets we are."  
  
"God! Even evil you worship her," Cordelia spat. "WE are the last hope for evil. SHE is the first to be destroyed when we defeat the remaining Slayers."  
  
"You are stuck in Cordelia's mentality, idiot," a figure came into the room, which Willow and Cordelia immediately recognized as the First, though shaped as Buffy. "She IS my last hope. Petty jealousy can not sway that. If you mess this up for me, I'll mess your new face up for you. Got it?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Angel sighed, coming down the stairs. "Angel!" Cordelia called, running over and hugging him. "Thank God you're okay!" Angel just looked at her for a minute. "Is something wrong?"  
  
He shook his head. "Nothing," he smiled at her. He still couldn't get Buffy out of his head. He hadn't thought she could still sway him so much, but she had. She was in trouble and it bugged him. "But she's always in trouble," he mumbled.  
  
"What?" Cordy looked at him. "Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I just... nothing. Where've you been?"  
  
"Out," she answered cryptically. "I had to check up on something."  
  
"So, that was an apocalypse," Faith said, coming into the room. "For all the talk of them in Sunnydale, I was never actually awake for a big one."  
  
"Please, that was nothing," Cordelia said. "There was hardly any fire involved."  
  
"They get bigger?" Faith stared at the former actress, as if there was something she was looking for, some sign of something.  
  
"Way. At least in Sunnydale," she said, leaving Angel's side. "I'm gonna go check on Fred and Gunn and Wesley, okay?"  
  
Angel just watched her go. "Angel, can we talk?" Faith asked him. Angel turned to the Slayer. "It's kind of important."  
  
"Sure, what's up?" he asked.  
  
"Connor and I kinda ran into Buffy last night... and she told us some stuff... about the whole apocalypse thing. Aparently it was more like Armageddon in Sunnydale," Faith paused. "And it's still coming."  
  
"I'm sure she can handle it," Angel said, moving to his desk to tidy some paperwork.  
  
"Buffy could handle it, yeah, except their latest recruit is Willow. Xander's insane somewhere, Willow killed her girlfriend, Anya's dead, and Spike's dust, and all I could get out of her was that Willow is here, and Buffy has to kill her, or the world'll end. Her and... and Cordelia."  
  
"What?" Angel dropped the book he'd been about to move. "Why does she have to kill Cordelia? What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"Angel, the Cordy you know is still a Higher Being, off floating somewhere enjoying the high life. This Cordelia, she's not her. She's killed Angel. You said yourself you didn't know how Lilah died. And the more you let her in, the more she'll know. The First got sick of just going after Buffy and potential Slayers," Faith explained, as gently as she could without screaming. Angel and Buffy had always annoyed her. If he realized she was his soulmate, she was off making ga ga eyes at a fish. If she realized it, he was jonsing for a demon posed as his best friend. Maybe Buffy didn't even see it anymore.  
  
But they were meant to be together. They'd been through so much, come through everything they had, and they'd done it for a reason. They were the very meaning of love, they were the core of every other love out there. Maybe Faith hadn't found hers yet, but they proved love was out there to people who'd stopped believing. No soldier or fake cheerleader could take that away from them. Eventually one of them would lose everything and they'd be together again. Or Buffy would die. Given the circumstances, Faith was guessing it was the second.  
  
"That's rediculous. Buffy's never liked Cordelia and neither have you," Angel denied, but inside, it seemed to hit an alarm. After all, it made sense, on some level. When he'd gone to meet with Cordelia, he'd intended to say that while he felt something, they could never be more than friends. He couldn't make that mistake again. And then all the sudden she was back, and he was obsessed with her. It scared him. He'd never wanted so badly to be with someone, not even Buffy.  
  
He didn't think it was possible to want someone more than he wanted Buffy. Had. Had wanted was what he meant. He didn't still want Buffy. At all. Did he?  
  
"If it's so rediculous, why do you look like it might be true?" Faith shot back. "Angel, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't think Buffy has a reason to lie about this. She's beyond doing everything because of some petty emotion, and even when she was more... self centered, she would never stoop that low. I'm the one who kills out of jealousy. And why now? She doesn't know about you two, there isn't even a you two, exactly. Plus, she had a look in her eye that said she left something pretty serious behind. Doesn't lead up to petty killing spree, does it?"  
  
Faith walked closer to her saviour, mentor and boss, and sighed. "Angel, Buffy's in a lot of trouble, emotionally. She's pushed every one and everything that mattered away. God, she didn't have to push most of them! Even... even if you really are over her, you have to help her, she's a warrior. She belongs to the cause. And suddenly she thinks that means booting everyone from her life."  
  
Angel just stared at the younger Slayer, thinking. If Faith was worried about Buffy, it had to be bad.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy dropped her bags onto the motel bed, and opened Willow's old laptop, looking for murdurs in L.A. over the past weeks. Or possibly disappearances. She found an e-mail.  
  
"Buffy -  
  
We know you took this. Or um, we hope you did and that this isn't Willow reading this cause then we're screwed. Anyway we kind of understand why you had to go. Well, Robin does. I'm just kinda used to you needing your space. And I get it, really. I still think you need help wherever you are but... that's not the point.  
  
Xander's out of the institution. He's... better. Distant, but better. He did remember something about what Willow said, before... just before. Something about a way to stop her when she gets evil, without killing her or anyone else. It's a spell. I could probably do it, but I'd need the ingredients, and I'll need to be near her, but not so near that we're in the same room.  
  
Robin says that if you get demon Cordelia and real Cordelia in the same place, demon Cordelia will have to show herself as a demon and then you can kill her easier. And if we get Will back, she could find a way to get Cordy back... Hold on Robbin wants to type.  
  
Hey Buffy. Dawn is simplifying things, and we're all still really hurting, but... we're okay. The spells are dangerous, but we'll back you up no matter what, you know that. You can make the decisions on this, even Xander agrees on that one. We just wanted to let you know there were options. Just remember that we love you, and we're hurting too. We want to help you through this. We miss you.  
  
Love, kisses, and scooby snacks,  
  
Dawn, and Robin.  
  
P.S., Andrew says hi, and to make sure you eat right since he won't be there to cook for you.  
  
P.P.S. E-mail us back."  
  
There were tears in her eyes, as Buffy read the letter. There were options. Options that sounded like they could get the last of those she cared about killed. A knock sounded and the door turned. She'd have to think about it later.  
  
"I thought you had to be invited," she glanced at the visitor, then turned back to the computer.  
  
"Motel, public property," Angel reminded her, coming fully into the room.  
  
"Of course," Buffy just nodded a little, closing the lap top. She'd e-mail them later.  
  
"You've been crying," he observed.  
  
"I'm fine," she replied, a little shortly. "Faith send you?"  
  
"Yes," at least he knew enough to be honest about it. "Not that I don't care too. I do."  
  
"Gee, that's sweet," Buffy looked at him with hollow eyes. "But I told you, and Faith, and your son, that I am fine. You can stop checking up on me. Not like I've never killed a friend before."  
  
"What can be this bad?" Angel came furthur into the room, standing before her a bit awkwardly.  
  
"I'm sorry, is something bad?" she glared at him. "Forgive me for not noticing. I'm too busy deciding whether I should let my baby sister come and possibly die to save my best friend, or whether I should kill said best friend, and send my other best friend back to the mental hospital he was in after the love of his life, my close friend, was killed."  
  
"So... pretty much everything," he answered his own question. "But Buffy still... it isn't like you to close up like this."  
  
"How the fuck would you know?" she spat at him. "It's insulting that you're even pretending to care. I have a new life now. I'm not the pathetic little girl who let you come and make everything all better. I've realized something. No matter what you say, you can't bring them back. At least Robin doesn't pretend he can make everything better like some... knight or something. This isn't the sixteen hundreds Angel. We don't have a king, and I am not some poor little maiden who's just desperately waiting for you to save her. I can't be saved. It's too late."  
  
"It's never too late," Angel said quietly.  
  
She snorted. "I used to say that to Spike. When he had his soul. When he lost it, he had a lot of fun throwing it in my face. That and Giles's body parts. Can you save him. Angel? Can you pick his dust up, put it back together and tell him there's something in him worth protecting? Can you go find Willow and tell her it doesn't matter that she killed her girlfriend, or that she hospitalized Dawn? Tell her it's okay that she was the final straw, that she put Xander in an institution because you can heal her? Make her soul good again?"  
  
"I get it, okay?' Angel shouted back. "Your life sucks right now. But there are still people who care about you, people who rely on you. I care about you."  
  
"And I'm protecting them. I've figured it out, okay? It's not the Hellmouth that's killing my friends. It's me. So now I don't have friends. I can't kill them if I don't have them," Buffy shot back. "Please, Angel, just... just go."  
  
"There! There is proof that you can be saved," he pointed at her.  
  
"Where?" she looked up at him. "Did something in my eyes remind you of the good old days when I'd let you completely control me? Did my tone sound like the time I said 'oh, of course Angel, here have my heart and make all my decisions and ooh, yes, by all means, break it?'"  
  
"Where there's guilt, there's hope that you can be better. I won't give up on you," he answered, before disappearing into the night. 


	3. Progress

Fallen From Grace Chapter Three "Progress" By Skitty  
  
Buffy sent two e-mails, one to Dawn's private e-mail and another one to Robin's. Neither were happy.  
  
'Dawnie -  
  
Sweetie, I have something to tell you, and it's not good. Since I don't know exactly how to say it, I'll just be blunt: Daddy was killed. He was up against Wolfram and Hart (you remember them right - - evil law firm? Like to get known criminals off for doing their dirty work?), and he was in a meeting, and this beastie thing... Faith called it 'The Beast' but I thought that was Glory... anyway, it slaughtered Wolfram and Hart and Daddy. The funeral is Saturday at our old church, if you want to go.  
  
As to what you said about a spell, if it risks your life, it's up to you. But talk to Robin, Xander, Andrew and the girls that are still alive. Make an educated decision. Will it definitely work? Will it kill you? Will Willow even be able to stop, or stand herself? What will prevent the same thing from happening again? Will she be able to be around you?  
  
I don't mean to be discouraging. I know you're fully capable of doing this spell. Just... understand the consequences. I'll be at Dad's funeral, meet me there if you decide to do it. Bring an overnight bag and don't look for me. I'll find you. No bag will tell me you decided not to do the spell.  
  
And Dawnie? I love you. All of you. But I can't come back to Sunnydale. The very fact that I love is what keeps you in danger, the thing that keeps the demons after you. And I can't risk that.  
  
Love always,  
  
Buffy.'  
  
The letter to Robin was a little more personal, but also shorter:  
  
'Hey Robin,  
  
Being away from you has made me realize more than ever how truly amazing you are. A million times in the last few days I've wanted to reach for you so you could hold me and comfort me. I was never just a Slayer with you. I was never just a girl either. I was both. Always. I've never had that before.  
  
I guess I wanted to tell you one last time how much I love you. And to thank you. In so many ways I grew just knowing you. But no matter how accepting you are? I can't be both the Slayer and a girl to anyone else. I can't be both.  
  
Goodbye,  
  
Buffy'  
  
The first letter was received with tears. Dawn told the gang what Buffy had said and was met with choked silence. The room seemed hot and stuffy and freezing all at once. Dawn couldn't breath.  
  
Her father, who she'd never actually met, was dead. Still, she felt the loss. No matter how many times she was told or reminded that her memories were fake, the felt real. As she had barely known her mother and loved her still, so too she loved her father.  
  
But L.A.... that could be good for Buffy. Angel and Faith and Pike were in L.A. Buffy would avoid them all like the plague, but maybe one of them would be able to get through to her. Maybe someone in that big city would love her enough to restore her.  
  
Pike... Pike was a guy. He and Buffy hadn't been truly in love, not on her side, but she'd been through this before and he was there. There was a small, okay, tiny, chance that he would be able to help now.  
  
Faith had to at least understand her. She'd been there. She'd done the lone Slayer thing. She'd been friendless, and alone and she knew where that lead. And no matter what her exterior towards Buffy was (or vice versa) they loved each other as sisters. Maybe that would salvage her.  
  
Truth was, Angel had the best chance of saving her. He'd been there through almost everything else. She opened up to him almost by accident. No matter how far they fell, he'd gone to hell for her, and he'd go back if she asked him too. Even Robin acknowledged that while Buffy loved him very much, Angel always controlled 55% of her heart, leaving Robin the remaining 45%.  
  
Buffy told Dawn once that she was thrice blessed. Three miracles had entered her life, had shaped her and made her grow: Dawn, Angel, and Robin. She said that the love most people never even knew existed had visited her twice in two amazing men she would always hold dear.  
  
Her eyes had shown how lucky she believed herself to be. That was before the month from Hell.  
  
The e-mail addressed solely to Robin was kept private, printed adn saved to his hard drive. He kept the print out safely locked behind the photo of her on what was once their dresser (the one they'd gone to at his place when her home was too crowded for them).  
  
His reply was very simple and short:  
  
'I understand. -R.W.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy lay in the motel bed, dreamlessly sleeping. Angel watched as he had for 3 nights, from her balcony. Tonight she was calm, for the first time since her arrival in the city. She'd tossed and turned and sobbed so hard she couldn't even sense him standing close to her. Tonight her weariness had over taken her.  
  
He crossed the threshold stealthily, going to her bedside. He ignored the skimpy tank top and briefs she'd considered pajamas, revealed by the lightweight sheets that covered her. He wasn't thinking about how tightly the top outlined her curves. She'd grown thin, but taut and muscular. He'd seen her fighting a few nights ago, just a couple of local vamps. It was obvious that she was trained for far more skilled creatures. Her blocks had thrown the vamps against walls.  
  
Calls to Sunnydale told him she'd been facing armies. Her training sessions had become ritual lessons for younger Slayers. Willow or Giles or Dawn would conjure imaginary Tarquins or Bringers, stronger and more powerful than the reality. Even the First had grown to fear her. And she'd only tapped 1/4 of her power.  
  
Her eyes blinked open and she lunged under the blankets. "What are you doing her?" she yelled.  
  
"Watching you," he admitted.  
  
"How many times have I asked you not to stalk me?" she muttered, angrily yanking the covers up. "Ok, I'll bite. Why were you watching me?"  
  
"It's not safe. The First is still after you," Angel replied.  
  
"I can handle myself. I know you saw me Monday. Pretty much nothing I can't handle," Buffy snapped.  
  
"Do you realize how much like Faith you sound lately?" he snapped. "Can you handle yourself?"  
  
"That's why I left," she said, looking away.  
  
"It won't help," he said gently. He stroked the palm he didn't remember grasping. "You know how easily you could snap their necks, how their bones could break. You know how to hurt them. And if you cut yourself off, you will want to."  
  
"I don't... I don't think I could go back," she whispered. "I lived in that house with Giles, and Willow, and Anya and Tara and Kennedy and my mom and even Spike. I patrolled every street of that town with them, for them, because of them. Sunnydale doesn't have a part of my past in it. It is my past."  
  
"You don't have to go back," he promised. "You can start over. Bring Dawn and Xander here and start a new life." At her doubtful look he diced not to push, yet. He'd made progress. That was good. "Just... think it over," he pulled out a business card. "Call me. When you've thought."  
  
"I can do that," she whispered. 


	4. Trick

Fallen From Grace Chapter Four By Skitty  
  
Dawn knocked on the office door, a soft quiet knock so scare it could barely be heard. Robin looked up from his desk. "I thought you were Buffy," He admitted sadly.  
  
"Nope, just lil ole me," Dawn said, coming into the room and sitting across from him.  
  
"At lesat we know where she is right?" he looked so hopeless she had to nod. "She had friends in L.A., people who'll watch out for her? Like that Angel guy?"  
  
"He'll take care of her," Dawn agreed. There was a pause, and both principal and student listened to the sounds of the school going about it's day. Unaware that their beloved guidance counsellor wsa alone in the city, fighting the greatest evil yet.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"He knows?" Willow screeched at Cordlia. "He knows?!"  
  
"You told Buffy!" Cordelia shouted back. "She told Faith, Faith told him!"  
  
"Faith's spoken to Buffy?" Willow paced angrily. "And then to Angel? He's probably with her right now! We're ruined."  
  
"Unless we break them up," Cordelia's voice was lower. "We could kill him."  
  
"No, now he'll never leave her side. And she won't let that happen," Willow suddenly got an idea. "Unless she thought he was evil. Then she would do it herself."  
  
"She doesn't know his soul's bound. We get them together, she stakes him," Cordy looked out the window. "If she really has hardened."  
  
"It's time we found out," Willow decided and began laying out plans.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was after midnight when Buffy made her way home. After the meeting she'd had with her dad's lawyer, she'd been unable to sleep and gone for a walk. He left her everything: the house, the cars, the servants' contracts, his millions, even his firm. She'd gone from broke to millionaire over night. And it had cost her father.  
  
She scream alerted her Slayer senses, and Buffy ran toward it. Willow stood alone, a dark cloud surrounding her. Her hands crackled energy, lightening spewed from her finger tips. "Hey Buffy, how's it going?" she smirked, floating to the ground. "You've really been a pain in the ass lately, okay always. I've decided to share my feelings with you."  
  
"Go ahead," Buffy cocked a fist.  
  
"You're pissed at me. Admit it, Buff. You had it so good before I switched sides again. Those girls looked up to you. You had a great guy. You finally stopped screwing Spike. You were pregnant before Spike killed the baby. Maybe if he had a chip it wouldn't have happened. Who knows," Willow taunted. "I ruined that. And you know what? I'm glad."  
  
"Duh, you work for the First," Buffy snapped, wincing at the comment about her and Robin's child. She'd barely even showed, but Spike had known. He said he'd heard the second heart beat. And he believed that if the child and Robin went away, he'd have her again. So he killed their son. Buffy had been in the hospital for weeks, while Robin tore Spike apart. They'd been crushed.  
  
"Maybe, but sweet, innocent little me is too," Willow stepped closer. "How much of the past year have you spent bullying me?" A shock hit Buffy making her bleed. "How many times have I head your 'I'm better than every one' speech?" Another hit her. "Ever since you got to Sunnydale you've done nothing but hoard yourself over me," the shocks wer constant now. In the shadows Angel approached silently, having recieved a message from 'Buffy' to meet her there.  
  
"And all the while her 'holiness' is off screwing vamps, whether they have souls or not!" Willow continued, knowing all too well Angel could hear. "Did Spike feel good, Buffy? Tell me, did he ride you, or were you in control? 'Cause I think that's where you and Riley screwed up. I'm thinking you're the type who likes to be dominated. You certainly had enough stains and bruises last year."  
  
With that she turned and left the alley. Her plan with Cordelia was a fake. The bimbo was an annoying complication, a pain who knew nothing about pain. She'd never understood pain or suffering, never truly loved. She was a demon. A shape shifter, who'd stolen the body she wore. She was not a force of evil.  
  
The true plan was to isolate Buffy, not drive her completely insane with guilt. To isolate her, all that needed to be done was to push Angel away. Simple really, when Willow knew all of Buffy's secrets.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Angel ran to Buffy, clutching her bleeding body to him. "Please live through this. Please don't slip even further from me," he whispered as he rushed her to his car and sped to the hospital. 


	5. On The Road To Recovery

Fallen From Grace Chapter Five By Skitty  
  
Buffy hates hospitals, Faith thought, wondering if Angel was remembering the same fact. It was something anyone who knew her knew; she'd never attempted to hide it. She even broke out of them. Repeatedly.  
  
Could she break out now? What did Willow do to her? Why do I care so much? Faith mused. Yeah, she owned B. one, but their friendship had gone to the realm of the unsalvagable. Hadn't it? Even if it has, you still care. Caring about anything is good.  
  
Did Buffy still care? Under all the baggage, under the scars, was Buffy's heart still active? Faith didn't know, but she'd be damned if she let Buffy end the world.  
  
A doctor in a long white coat came over to them.Faith was instantly reminded of doctor Barbi, her hair was that long and blond, her figure that flawless. "Are you family?" the woman asked. Faith looked at the unresponsive Angel.  
  
"He's her husband," she lied. "And I'm... his sister."  
  
The doctor (Dr. Watson, the tag read) nodded. "She's floating in and out of consciousness, but she should be fine. I'll need you to fill out some forms..."  
  
"Can I see her?" Angel asked. Dr. Watson nodded, handing Faith the clipboard. Angel was already gone.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Angel held Buffy's hand lightly, not speaking. When she was conscious the pain killers had her so out of it, there was really little point for words. "Rain is pretty," her hand was raised and open, reaching for something. The extent to which she reminded him of Drusilla in that instant scared him. "It makes me think of an Angel.."  
  
Angel couldn't help the tiny smile that formed at that. So she does think of me, he thought.  
  
"He used to love me," she was saying. "But then he went away. And now he's only pretending."  
  
"That's not true," he whispered. "He still loves you. He was just blind for awhile." Buffy'd lost consciousness again, but he kept talking. "He thought he loved someone else. He thought he could. But then he saw you again... God, Buffy, you have to make it through this because I... I need you too. I don't ever want to feel that again... I don't ever want to know what a world without you is really like. Please."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy moaned and opened her eyes, her head pounding and her body aching. "Drugs must've worn off," she muttered.  
  
"I can go get a doctor if you want," Faith said. She and Angel and Connor were sitting by her bed, worried looks on all their faces. Even the boy she barely knew. She shook her head, wincing a little.  
  
"I prefer having control of my brain, thanks," she said, struggling to sit up. "What happened?"  
  
"I went to meet you in the alley, like we planned..." Angel started.  
  
"We planned? I don't remember planning," Buffy cut in.  
  
"You left the message," Angel reminded her.  
  
"Angel, I never left a message," she told him. "I haven't touched a phone since I got here. And why would I want to meet you in an alley?"  
  
"But... it was your voice, I heard it too," Faith told her. Buffy shrugged.  
  
"Willow's a witch," she pointed out.  
  
"Magic," Connor scoffed. Buffy secretly agreed. Despite the good magic had done for them (Angel's soul) it had ruined everything at the same time (it stole Heaven... it stole peace).  
  
"Anyway," Buffy prodded. "You came to the alley. What happened?"  
  
"Willow was there, she was sending electricity from her hands, lightening or something, and she was yelling. Something about a baby, and um... Spike," Angel looked away as he said it, but it cut Buffy never the less. "And hitting you with the sparks, and I... I couldn't get near you, I couldn't stop her. She was stuck int his bubble thing, and I couldn't get near her."  
  
Buffy touched his cheek. "But you tried? Even with your aversion to fire you would have risked it if you could? Still?"  
  
Angel nodded. "Of course. Always."  
  
"Come on kid, let's go chew hospital coffee," Faith tugged Connor to his feet. "Give these losers a few minutes to revel in angst."  
  
"Buffy," Angel whispered as he held her hand. She used her free hand to trace his face.  
  
"Shhh," she whispered. "I've been so scared of losing the people I love that I pushed everyone away, and they'd still die for me. Even you. And I pushed you hardest."  
  
"I love you too much to let go," he answered. "If I lost you... even after everything that's happened, after everything I heard Willow say, I don't think I could go through that twice."  
  
"Eventually I'll stay dead," Buffy looked into his eyes.  
  
"I want to make sure it's your time when you do. I want enough time to memorize you again," Angel tucked a stray hair behind her ear.  
  
"I want to give you that. I don't want to die yet," her voice was shaky as she admitted it.  
  
"Let me protect you," he begged, not caring how desperate he sounded. "Let me help."  
  
When she nodded he let out a cry of joy and held her to him tightly. "Thank you," she whispered.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
more to come... 


End file.
